Parents need to grow up!

Mir Ameer Ansari, a bubbling teenager of IIS Dammam, bid adieu to this world. Why? The stimulus for this action was the results of the class 12 Board exams where Ameer got a compartment in one paper Why? What forced this teenager to take the drastic action of apparently leaping from a tall building? Was it the System, the Parents, the society? The pressure got the better of a young mind and his life ended even before it had the chance to bloom, leaving the Indian community in Dammam not only shell shocked but bewildered at what went so horribly wrong? Indeed we need to ponder over this. It is not a case of one young Ameer. It concerns our children, our future. Post exams results, we see and hear sulking children, angry and despondent parents, snarling teachers. There is dejection and feeling of rejection. Poor result makes the child uneasy. The fear of parental rejection looms large. There is loss of self esteem as ridicule from the peer group only adds to the growing unbearable pressure. This is when little children are forced to extremes. Perhaps this is the first point to stop and ponder. The society has created a monster called MARKS. Today, marks are everything. Be it the school or the home. Poor marks means that the child is a good for nothing character and deserves castigation. The teacher will pass comments, friends will ridicule and parents will express disgust. The child is lost. Parents remind me of the advertisements of Onida TV and Nirma detergent. The parent growls , “how come our neighbour’s child got better marks’?? Parental expectations become overbearing. This needs to stop. Parents need to understand that there is world beyond Marks. They need to take stock of reality. Each child is unique and should never be compared with another. Each child deserves to live his own life as per his own abilities and capabilities. Parents role should be to develop the child’s abilities and to attempt to create when none exist. School Management committee is as dazed as we are and I reached out to them to share my grief and feelings.” I have tried to counsel parents that they must focus on the concept of integral and inclusive growth of the child. Class 12 marks have a short life span and are forgotten once the child enters the college. But the overall growth will be an asset all his life”, said the school chairman Theeru. “ I am shocked to hear about our student Mir Ameer. He had the whole life before him, so what if he got a compartment in one subject? “ Life is not a bed of roses and each student should realize that hardships and failures are part and parcel of life”, said E.K.Mohammad Shaffe, the principal of IIS Dammam. Shaffe, holding a condolence meeting in the school appealed to the parents to build a warm relationship with the child and try to understand each child. “ Teachers should also be on the look out for those children who show tendencies of withdrawal and take them personally to the school counselor”, said the principal.I do see wisdom in his expressions. A teacher has first hand interaction with the child and can surely feel the pulse. Ambitions and aspirations of parents become a burden on their children and this adds to the burgeoning pressure. Parent child relationship needs to be redefined. The child is immature and he should be counseled by the parents that results of any exams are not a testimony of one real abilities. Parents should look at one’s efforts and not the results and learn to live with the reality- not everyone can be brilliant. Learn to appreciate what one has and not what one looks for. “ We should do a reality check and know the capability of our child. This will be good for all. I see so many parents wanting their child to opt for science stream although he is just not fit for it. Rather than accept the fact, parents pretend to be like the ostrich and force the child into subjects which he cannot handle. For sure, he will do badly and then the parents will humiliate and punish the child. This should stop”, said a shocked Shoaib A Qureshi, a parent and one who has been associated with education for decades. “This is the first time the community in Dammam has faced such a shock. Let us ensure that this is not repeated,” said Dr Khawaja Zubair, a parent and whose wife is a teacher. This is a wake up call for the community that values superficial achievements over their wards life. This is a wake up call for those who though love their children, nevertheless get lost somewhere in the mad rush for worldly gains. Parents need to realise that each balloon has its own capacity and we should blow as much air as the balloon can take. A burst balloon has no value and can only cause distress....if only I had blown less air, the balloon would still be there !